


The Way It's Gonna Go

by seraphstiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accepting John Winchester, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, And writing in general, Because of Reasons, Bisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexual Dean Winchester, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, But they're idiots, Caretaker Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel Wears Glasses (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Castiel and Dean Winchester Live Together, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Roommates, Castiel is Older Than Dean Winchester, Castiel is a Novak (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Cheating, Coming Out, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Needs to Use Actual Words, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Dean Winchester is So Whipped, DeanCas - Freeform, Denial of Feelings, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Drunk Dean Winchester, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Good Parents John Winchester and Mary Winchester, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, IM VERY BAD AT TAGGING, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, No Smut, POV Alternating, Roommates, Slow Burn, You're Welcome, a big pinch, and also slightly annoying, and lots of angst, at least i hope its humorous, but a little bit of, but not between deancas, but we love him anyway, cas and dean have actually been in love since they met, cute idiots though, dean's hotdog pants, i already said this but, i'm bad at slowburns, in that he refuses to acknowledge his everlasting true love for none other than his best friend, insert and they were roommates audio, ish, lots of fluff, no really that slow actually, so it takes a while for them to realise, so when i say slowburn, take it with a pinch of salt, that includes dating other people, this is mostly crack, you know, ~spice~
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27767881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphstiel/pseuds/seraphstiel
Summary: Dean and Castiel are starting their second year of college. Cuteness ensues.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Meg Masters, Charlie Bradbury/Jo Harvelle, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, John Winchester/Mary Winchester, Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 10





	1. Tangerine

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter will be kinda short so apologies in advance!  
> This is something I've been wanting to write for a while so I'm excited to be finally doing it :) chapter will be written (fairly) regularly and hopefully updated every week. When I say hopefully I mean don't be surprised if there are extremely long gaps between posting due to me being tired a lot.  
> This is mostly for me, but also for nessa, because we miss our boys and their cuteness.  
> Tags will be updated i guess.  
> Enjoy!

August 28th, 2000

_Measuring a summer’s day, I only find it slips away to grey._

“Hey Cas, get a move on! We’re gonna miss our slot if you don’t hurry your feathery ass up!”

Castiel rolls his eyes and huffs a laugh while he jams his feet into his trusty, scuffed, blue converse, not bothering push his heels in properly. The shoes had become a staple sight in the doorway to the Winchester home; haphazardly strewn in the hallway, carelessly thrown on the shoe-rack, a tangle of laces, but always there, just like Cas himself.

Castiel stands. He can still hear his name being called, along with a few rather creative insults, but he takes a moment to just stand in the doorway of the house that always felt more like home than the cold, empty, shell of manor house he grew up in. He allows his mind to meander back to a day quite like this one, the afternoon rays of August 1996’s sun illuminating everything in a golden glow, the shadows elongated and dusty.

It had been the day he’d met Dean Winchester.

The beams of honey-thick light pouring through the bay windows of Mary and John Winchester’s living room was dull and grey in the presence of the glow of Dean’s smile as he teased his younger brother Sam over a girl in his chemistry class. Cas had been Sam’s history tutor that year and had somehow managed to go nearly a full school year without meeting the oldest Winchester son.

Due to a combination of being relatively new in town and having different classes at school, Castiel and Dean didn’t meet until that summer afternoon when Sam offered to do their study session at his home instead of the stuffy school library which seemed to eternally smell like old socks and vomit. When Sam had introduced Cas to his older brother, Castiel was pleasantly surprised to find that the kind hospitality that Sam had continued to show him seemed to run in the family. “Any friend of Sammy’s is a friend of mine, too,” Dean had said with a charming smile.

Castiel wasn’t known for smiling very often, but when Dean showed him out later that evening and laughed heartily at something Castiel had said, head thrown back, shoulders shaking, eyes sparkling with mirth, Cas couldn’t help but grin back, desperately ignoring the fluttering warmth behind his rib cage.

The first time Dean thought to shorten Castiel to ‘Cas’, which hadn’t taken long, the fluttering in Cas’ chest only grew and flourished.

Fast-forward a couple of months, and Castiel had been welcomed into the Winchester home, and family, as if he were one of their own. Mary became the mother Castiel wishes he had, but never did. John was gruff, yet kind, and would ruffle Castiel’s hair like he was John’s own son. Castiel grew to love Sam Winchester like a little brother, never feeling quite comfortable enough to tease him the way Dean did but he cared for the boy regardless. And then there was Dean. From the first time they met, something seemed to click between Castiel and Dean, like finally sliding the right key into the lock after fruitlessly trying to force unfitting keys through an unforgiving mechanism. The two of them slipped into a friendship that felt as easy as pie, or least that’s what Dean used to say.

Four years later, and Castiel smiles softly at the memory but then he remembers how drawn he had been to Dean in the beginning, and something uncomfortable curls around his chest. He had often entertained the idea of him and Dean, more than he would be comfortable admitting, but it was naïve to expect anything more, and Castiel never had time for naivety.

Footsteps and the sound of an exasperated sigh from behind Castiel draw him out of his sweet little trip down memory lane.

“Jesus, Cas, it’s getting dark out and I don’t wanna drive Baby into a ditch in the middle of the night because you’re too busy _day dreaming_ to get in the damn car!” The words are irritated and impatient, but Dean’s tone is everything but. Castiel turns to face him and finds, unsurprisingly, a sloppily concealed smirk, and a pitiful attempt on Dean’s behalf at a withering glare.

Castiel just stands there and looks at Dean, unmoving and unspeaking, knowing it will serve well as a way for him to wind Dean up even further. Dean slowly raises his eyebrows and leans his head towards Castiel, expecting him to say _something_. Castiel says nothing and after a couple of moments, Dean catches on and straightens up, a confident twinkle in his eyes as he clamps his mouth shut and silently responds to Castiel’s challenge to their traditional way-to-get-on-the-other’s-nerves staring competition. Dean’s expression positively screams, _I’ve already won_ , but he gets that look every time, and still Castiel always defeats him.

They stand there for what seems like forever, the sun setting through the windows behind Castiel and the sky growing darker and darker. Just as Dean’s eyes begin to twitch and water, Castiel almost curses out loud as a familiar sensation of discomfort that can only be the herald of a sneeze begins to tickle his senses. His nose burns and his eyes burn more as Castiel tries to hold in the sneeze, but it is to no effect, and Dean has realised what’s happening and he is fighting to keep his eyes open, tears streaming down his rosy cheeks and sides shaking from bottled laughter.

Castiel sneezes, his eyes slam shut, and Dean cheers louder than strictly necessary.

Castiel raises his gaze to cast a withering look in Dean’s direction, one hand covering his mouth and nose to conceal the snotty mess on his face. Dean’s laughter, however, is infectious and soon both he and Castiel are struggling for breath, hanging onto each other and gasping like fish.

The laughter dies down and they are left standing at the front door, looking out onto the driveway where the Impala sits, ready and raring to go, packed with all their clothes and books for the second year of college, with just enough space for new memories. The setting sun casts its gaze down onto the sleek black metal of the Chevy, making it glint and glitter in the low light. Mary, John and Sam wait for them at the bottom of the porch steps, eager to kiss Dean and Castiel goodbye and make sure they promise to come back for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and John will not-so-subtly suggest that Dean may return home with a girl on his arm and Dean will blush and look towards his best friend already in the front seat of the car. He will quickly regain his composure and slip John a sly wink, give his mother one last kiss on her cheek, mess up Sam’s hair and slide behind the wheel of his Baby, ready for another year of adventure with Castiel by his side.

But for now, he stands with Cas at his side, the sun in his eyes and a smile on his face.

“You got boogers on me you jerk.”

Cas whacks him over the head with his snot-free hand, but his soft eyes undermine the apparent malice of the gesture and Dean’s heart twists painfully when Castiel tilts his head slightly to the side and his perpetually chapped lips curl upwards into something intimate and unique. It’s been a long summer.

Usually the quieter of the two, Cas speaks up after a couple moments of silence, disturbed only by his and Dean’s breathing and the occasional rustle of leaves in the summer breeze, and asks Dean if he’s excited for this next year of school.

“If it’s anything like the last one, I think it’s gonna be great. I mean we’re still roommates, right? And we’re not freshmen anymore so if anything, it’ll be even better.”

“Why does it mean it’ll be better?” Cas intones, but as soon as the words are out of his mouth, and Dean’s lips slowly spread into a gleeful little smirk, Castiel finds he already knows the answer.

“Chicks dig sophomores.”

Cas rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything, knowing full well that there’s more.

Dean turns towards him, a glint in his eyes. “And better parties, of course, which we both know means-”

“-Better booze.” Cas finishes off for him.

Dean nods emphatically and claps Cas on the back with a, “You know it, Cas,” and a grin.

Castiel opens his mouth to say something, he doesn’t know _what_ , not exactly, he just wants to fill the silence, but Dean gets there first and cuts him off.

“Son of a bitch, its already nearly dark out.” Dean throws a mock glare towards Cas and sighs dramatically. “If you hadn’t been in here for so long doing god knows what, I wouldn’t have had to come get you and we wouldn’t be here wasting daylight. Always gotta have all the attention, huh Cas?” His tone is light and playful and _ever_ so irritating so Castiel feels obliged to roll his eyes back more than should be possible and offers Dean a sweet “fuck off” before pushing him to the side and dashing out the door, yelling at him to _hurry up slowcoach_ and Dean’s responding quip certainly warrants the half-serious telling off he receives from Mary, while John mockingly covers Sam’s ears and the youngest Winchester complains and smacks his father’s hands off of his head in retaliation.

Castiel watches all of this from his perch against the side of the Impala and can’t help but to smile at the scene before him. They may be unconventional, and they are far from perfect, but this is Castiel’s family, quirks and all, and he is glad beyond words to have them and when Mary calls him over for a last kiss on the cheek and a promise to stay out of trouble, he is almost sad to be leaving.

As he and Dean climb into the car and Dean hits play on the cassette player and the opening chords of _Tangerine_ drift into the air around them, Cas closes his eyes and sighs deeply, savouring the moment.

“You ready Cas?” Dean’s voice is soft and Castiel almost misses it in his state of reflection.

“I am.”

“Then let’s get this show on the road.” And with that, Dean cranks up the volume high and pulls out of the driveway, waving back at his brother one more time and then they are on open road, just the two of them and Robert, Jimmy, John and John.

Cas is _almost_ sad to be leaving.


	2. Ramble On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took me a bit longer to update than expected due to Life Stuff, so apologies for that.

September 2nd, 2000

 _Leaves are falling all around_ _, it's time I was on my way_

The excited whispers of enthusiastic freshmen sweep around Dean as he weaves his way through the crowds of people, through familiar courtyards and well-known hallways until he arrives before the familiar sight of his dorm building, coffee in hand, pastries in the other.

He heads through the arched entrance and ducks past groups of students moving into their dorm rooms and reuniting with their friends before heading up the concrete stairs, stained and littered with old gum, beer spills and only God knows what else.

Dean reaches the second floor of the housing block and strolls up to door number 401, trying to balance the coffee and pastries in one hand to fish his keys out his back pocket. He succeeds with a bit of expert balancing and precarious movement and grabs the pastry bag with his teeth to avoid dropping it while he slides the key into the lock and twists the mechanism, opening the door with a click.

“Honey, I’m home!” He quips cheerfully as he hooks his keys onto the cork board by the door and walks into the kitchen to set down the hot beverages and baked goods on the countertop.

As expected, a few seconds later, the sound of tired feet dragging across the linoleum floor catches Dean’s attention and he turns to face a particularly bedraggled Cas, hair sticking up every which way and an adorable (not that Dean would say it out loud) frown on his face, chapped lips turned down in a pout and eyebrows furrowed. Dean grabs a carboard cup off the table and offers it to his weary roommate, who grunts his thanks and takes the steaming cup, slinking away to stretch out on the sofa like a cat in heat.

Dean watches Castiel from his perch leaning against the kitchen counter until Cas has consumed enough caffeine to form coherent speech, and he pipes up dutifully from the sofa.

“Not that I’m complaining since, you know, coffee, but how come you’re up this early?”

Dean chuckles lightly and shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know man, guess I’m just excited for this next year, you know?” Dean hesitates slightly, and then tentatively, “Everything kinda feels like it’s falling into place; I’m doing good in school, Sammy and my parents are doing good, and I have my best friend right here with me. I just feel happy.”

Cas smiles widely and props himself up against one of the arms of the sofa so that he’s leaning over it, hair falling over his eyes. “I’m glad you’re happy Dean, you deserve it. And I’m glad that I get to be here with you as your best friend.”

Dean looks down as his ears turn a pretty shade of pink and opens his mouth to contradict Cas’ statement, but Cas sees it coming and shuts it down before Dean can get there.

“Dean.” He says, causing Dean to look up and meet his eyes, their gazes locking onto each other. “You deserve all of this. Every single moment of happiness. You deserve it.” Cas’ smile has dropped but his eyes remain warm, yet sincere.

Something shifts in Dean’s face, too minute to properly interpret as anything meaningful, but when Dean tells Cas, y _ou deserve to be happy too, Cas,_ his eyes shine and his voice rings of something other than the playful tone in which it most often resides.

Cas’ lips curl into a heartfelt smile once more, and the boys finish their coffee in silence, enjoying each other’s company and eagerly anticipating what’s to come.

-

A few hours later, Cas observes amusedly as a flurry of blonde and leather flies into Dean’s arms at approximately the speed of sound. Dean stumbles back from the impact and laughs loudly, wrapping his arms around Jo and ruffling her hair.

“Hey, quit it jackass,” Jo swats Dean’s hands away from her hair with a mock glare, “Don’t make me hate you just yet.”

Dean grins widely. “You could never hate me.

Jo shrugs nonchalantly and drags out an unenthused, “Guess you’re right.” Before hugging Dean again and telling him she missed him which softens Dean’s face and adds a shine to his eyes.

“I missed you too kid.”

Cas smiles and turns away, leaving them to finish their reunion in peace. He’s always struck by Dean’s ability to adopt almost everyone he meets with open arms into his family, and to be part of that family is nothing but an honour. Castiel remembers the first time he was invited to dinner at the Winchester house, the warm feeling that settled itself in his gut when he received the text from Dean to, _come over for dinner tonight, we’d love to have you,_ and when he’d arrived, Mary had opened the door, and ushered him inside, greeting him with an incredibly warm, “Hey, Cas,” and a kiss on the cheek that admittedly made him blush. She’d guided him into the living room where Dean and Sam were engaged in a rather intense fight on the carpeted floor, Dean jabbing his fingers into Sam’s ribcage, and the latter of the two crying out for dear mercy.

Cas remembers Mary’s exasperated sigh, although not without the hint of an endeared smile, and when she cleared her throat louder than necessary and the boys froze mid tussle, both of them turning their heads at the sound comically slowly, eyes wide and sheepish, Castiel couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of it.

As soon as Dean and Sam caught sight of their guest, they jumped to their respective feet, stumbling over, “Sorry, Mom,” and “Hey, Cas, welcome,” and Castiel did feel most welcome when Dean flashed him a truly dazzling grin and a wink.

When they sat down to eat, and were promptly joined by John, Cas was instantly swept up in the easy chatter and homemade food. He sat next to Dean, across from Sam, and for the first time in forever, maybe, he felt wanted, part of a real family. The warmth and kindness of the Winchesters was something that he soon found he did not want to go without.

When Cas left that night, Dean walked him out with a quick hug and a, “We’d love to have you round again some time soon.” And the feeling of comfort and contentment didn’t fade for a good long while.

Cas smiles at the memory and something in his chest tightens, but not uncomfortably.

“Hey there, Casanova.”

Castiel’s grin lifts even wider at the familiar tone of voice that accompanies a shock of red hair and a wicked set of hacking skills.

He turns around. “Charlie.”

Charlie winks exaggeratedly at him and smiles widely, opening her arms to embrace him.

“That’s me.” She says gleefully as she hooks her arms under Cas’ and leans her chin on his shoulder. Then more softly, “I missed you this summer.”

Cas exhales deeply and pulls back to look at Charlie. “And I you.”

It must be something about the way Cas’ eyes shine or the way his voice trembles almost imperceptibly that makes Charlie’s smile drop and her brows furrow in concern but then two arms are wrapping around her waist and lifting her in the air, much to her squealed protest.

Dean sets her down, but not without graciously bestowing her with the same messy hair that he bequeathed to Jo a few minutes earlier.

“Heya, Charles.” Dean’s grin is broad and dazzling as always, and his eyes twinkle mischievously, crinkling at the corners.

Charlie tilts her head towards Dean, eyes narrowing with mirth and a smirk on her lips. “Deanna, can’t say I missed your pie-loving ass.”

Dean claps a hand to his heart in mock disbelief. “And here I was thinkin’ we had something special.”

Charlie barks out a laugh and Jo, watching from the side lines, strides forward to loop an arm around Charlie’s waist, pulling her in and telling Dean to stop being a dumbass before turning to acknowledge Cas, leaning forward to press a sweet kiss to his cheek accompanied by, “Good to see you, Cas, did you have a good summer?”

“Well I spent it with Dean, so that more or less speaks for itself.” Cas replies with a grin.

Dean playfully punches Cas’ shoulder and pouts. “I’m gonna take that as the compliment I’m sure you meant it to be.”

Cas and Jo chime in with a customary, _yeah yeah_ , and Charlie stifles a giggle.

Dean crosses his arms over his chest and starts, “Well if you guys are done with bullying me-”

“Never,” interrupts Jo.

Dean shoots her a look and carries on. “If you guys are _done,_ I thought we could go out and grab lunch at that pizza place near campus?”

The other three all nod congenially and Dean offers to drive so five minutes later the four of them are piled into the Impala, Dean and Jo in the front, fighting over the music, and Cas and Charlie in the back, observing amusedly.

Charlie gives Cas a weary look and he simply smiles back, relaxing into his seat and sighing deeply.

Charlie asks, “Watcha thinkin’ about over there?”

Cas shrugs. Jo and Dean have settled on a music choice and as Dean pulls out of his parking space, the air is filled with the opening notes of _Ramble On_ and Dean’s obnoxiously out of tune singing, accompanied by Jo’s complaining and dramatic covering of her ears.

“Not really thinking about anything. Just enjoying the moment, I suppose.”

Charlie hums in acknowledgment and reaches over to squeeze Castiel’s forearm with a smile on her face that makes her look like she knows something Cas doesn’t and it unnerves him slightly, but then again, Charlie almost always knows something that everyone else doesn’t, so he doesn’t dwell on it, instead returning the smile and turning to gaze out of the window, listening to Dean and Jo bickering in the front seat, Charlie’s hand still a comforting weight still on his arm, and contrary to his previous assertion, he thinks.

Castiel thinks about all the moments in his life where something that could’ve been wasn’t, when he could’ve made a move, taken a step and didn’t. Part of him dwells on not taking certain leaps as a young teenager, certain decisions that maybe have a little more to do with his best friend than he’s comfortable admitting, but then he reflects on where he is now, surrounded by people he loves, and he can’t find it in him to regret any of it.

They get to the pizza place after a relatively short journey and spend the rest of the afternoon stuffing themselves full and talking and talking and _talking_ about almost everything under the sun, Cas thinks. He zones out often, just watching the people around him and occasionally feels invisible, but not in an unpleasant way, rather in a way that he feels the people around him have grown so accustomed to his presence from years of time spent together, that they simply pay him no mind and are content to just _be_ with him. Cas finds that this is a feeling he likes, as if he has become a cherished ornament on the mantel of his friends' lives. It’s not something he ever experienced before meeting Dean.

Castiel is thankful for all of it. He’s thankful for the Winchesters, he’s thankful for Jo, Charlie, pizza places and hot coffee but most of all he’s thankful for Dean, whom without Cas thinks that he surely would never have gone from the quiet, insecure child he once was to the vibrant person he is today, someone who thoroughly enjoys living and all that comes with it.

Cas is thankful for Dean.

-

Dean’s appetite is larger than the average human being, or t-rex for that matter, but everyone has their limits, and as he and Cas stumble back into their apartment that evening Dean feels like he’s about to burst, and barely musters the energy to struggle to the couch, collapsing with a huff and wriggling to get himself comfortable. Cas, as per usual, is slightly more composed than Dean, but still complains loudly that he never wants to look at food ever again, and moments later throws himself onto the couch next to Dean, resting his feet in Dean’s lap and spreading himself dramatically all over the place. So maybe not that much more composed.

Dean half-heartedly attempts to shove Cas’ feet out of his face but resignedly sighs his consent when Cas all but growls in annoyance.

“How much do you wanna bet on us dying on this couch.”

Cas shrugs his shoulders. “Odds seem fairly high right now.”

Dean snorts a laugh at Cas’ apparent seriousness and shifts backwards, sinking further into the cushions and resting his arms over Cas’ legs. The gesture makes Cas tense momentarily, but he relaxes within an instant, relishing the comforting weight and warmth of Dean’s hands on him. Cas’ stomach erupts in butterflies and a whole lot of confusion. He tells himself not to read into the touches.

But oh, how he wants to.

Castiel pushes down any rogue thoughts and stares up at the ceiling noiselessly, listening to the sounds of his own breathing mixed with Dean’s.

They sit there in silence for a while, then, “Hey, Cas?”

Cas cranes his neck awkwardly to look at Dean, whose head is bowed, and eyes squinted, a look on his face that makes Cas’ gut pang with concern.

“Is everything alright Dean?”

Dean nods slowly, and then shakes his head. “I, uh, I don’t know. I just-,” he lifts his head to meet Cas’ gaze, “Do you ever feel like you’re forgetting something? Like there’s something important that you should be doing but you just can’t put your finger on what it is?”

Cas exhales through his nose, contemplating his answer. “I suppose I know the feeling, yes. Why, is something wrong?”

Dean averts his gaze back to the ground. “I don’t know.” He says again.

A cold feeling starts to unfurl beneath Cas’ ribs, anxiety and unease blossoming quickly. Cas sits up and slides off the sofa, kneeling on the ground before Dean, placing his hands on Dean’s thighs in a gesture that feels all too intimate and yet all too easy at once.

“Dean,” their eyes meet, “talk to me.”

Dean’s eyes flickers over Cas’ face and Cas hears his intake of breath as if to speak, but then something hard passes over Dean’s expression and he is pushing Cas’ hands off his legs and muttering, “It’s nothing, Cas,” before standing abruptly and walking quickly to his room, closing the door a little too hard.

Cas sits there for a few minutes, trying to make sense of what just happened. Something is wrong with Dean, he knows it, but he also knows that Dean is the king of emotional repression and he is not surprised at this turn of events, if a little confused and miffed.

Cas gets to his feet and walks into the kitchen, pouring himself an excessively large cup of coffee, and adding a touch too much sugar before downing it almost all in one go.

He hears nothing but silence from Dean’s room, and sees fit to leave him be for now, so as not to make the situation worse in any way, so Cas busies himself with preparing for his first classes of the year, which are early tomorrow morning. He spends nearly 3 hours at his laptop, combing through emails and updates, making sure not to miss any important information, and reading through all his course summaries and getting to know his courses and professors.

Not once does Dean come out of his room, let alone make any kind of noise to indicate that he’s even still alive.

Cas likes quiet, but he decides that he doesn’t want it like this.

When the night has progressed past the point where its healthy to be awake and Cas is staggering to his bedroom with half-lidded eyes and heavy feet, he stops at Dean’s still-closed door and knocks softly. When he receives no response, he quietly cracks the door open, casting a beam of light from the hallway into the dark depths of the bedroom, illuminating Dean, asleep under the covers, face relaxed and serene, but fingers curled, and fists clenched around the sheets. Cas feels overwhelmingly out of place all of a sudden, in stark contrast to the sense of being in exactly the right place he had earlier with Jo and Charlie and Dean in the apartment, with Charlie in the backseat of the Impala, with the three of them at the pizza place, with Dean on the sofa, Dean touching him, him touching Dean-

Castiel’s hand goes tense where its curled around the door frame, and he quietly extracts himself for Dean’s doorway, closing the door softly and creeping to his own room, an unnamed sensation following him like a shadow that never really fades, no matter how brightly the sun shines.

-

When Cas wakes the next morning to the harsh buzzing of his alarm and the cold light of the September dawn, Dean’s door is still closed, and Cas goes to his classes with a hollow feeling inside him.

He gets home and Dean is sat at the kitchen table, laptop open in front of him and earphones plugged in, loud music leaking out of them and buzzing around the empty air of the room. He looks up when Cas walks hesitantly into the kitchen, shooting him a weak smile that doesn’t quite reach his downcast eyes, and a quiet, “Hey Cas,” and the two of them stare at each other silently far past it becoming uncomfortable, when Dean pushes a cup of coffee towards Cas across the table, and it’s just too easy for Cas to sit down and take the cup, pushing down the monster gnawing away at his heart and allowing Dean to continue his pretence of normality, and soon they fall back into rhythm, laughing and teasing like always. But the coldness wrapped around Cas’ chest remains all the same, if only in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.....perhaps everything is not as it seems.....  
> as always, comments and kudos are appreciated!


End file.
